Monday, February 28, 2011

So I got dressed for work in a huge hurry this morning. You know, shoved stockings in my purse because I didn't have time to put them on, ran out the door with wet hair, brushing it on the way, had to drink crappy office coffee because I didn't have time to make my own, etc. Soon after I got to work and regained some semblance of professionalerability, I noticed a weird smell. I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I'd just get a whiff every now and again. I finally get home, and in my hurry to slide into sweatpants, I started stripping as I was coming through the door.Then I identified that horrible smell. That smell of sour laundry that I forgot I had in the dryer (everything was still barely damp) all weekend. The smell I didn't zone on this morning as I grabbed the shirt and pulled it on while I was starting my car. I went all day smelling like a horses ass. Stellar.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

You know I love you, Tricia!!!

You know when you get a god awful cold that may in fact be some kind of crazy killer monkey virus and you spend a day or two honest to god wishing you'd die? The kind that comes with brightly colored snot and a fever so high your eyes burn? I'm so there. I'm also a little tipsy, and basking in the new found knowledge that the combination of wine, alkaseltzer and cough drops make things a little better. I'm loving that I found "grown-up" nail polish that is scented. I may be a little stoned, actually. Shelby painted my nails to make me feel better, and now they're a lovely shade of lavender and smell like grape. I. can't. get. enough. Anyhoo. I'm laughing hysterically at this week's Dirty Jobs. The thought of some poor scientist so dedicated to finding flavors for the worlds best jelly beans that he eats his own ear wax is just ludicrous. I don't think I could like my job that much. Just sayin. Now, laughing so hard has made my throat hurt even worse. So I'm going to bed.

Monday, February 7, 2011

I've been feeling pretty left out lately. All of my friends (and I mean ALL) of my friends either just had a baby, are pregnant or are currently in labor. Ahhh, what's that smell? Its the sweet smell of afterbirth. Anyhoo, I may be feeling left out, but I am absolutely okay with that I do not now or ever want another kid. My telling you this is just a precursor to mine and Shelby's dinner conversation tonight:

Shelby: Guess what. Mrs. L is gonna have a baby.
Me: That's nice.
Shelby: It's kind of nice, I guess. But Mrs. H and Mrs. S just
had babies. Isn't enough, enough?
Me: Well, I guess they're happy about it, so you should be
happy for them.
Shelby: I guess so. But it's like everybody's having babies.
Maybe you should too. Aren't you worried about your biological clock?
(editors note: WHAT?!?!?!??!) You are getting kinda old, you
know. Maybe you should freeze yourself like Walt Disney. That way you'll be
fresh when you want another baby.